I must speak.

I'm scared. Aren't you?
Every moment of my life has a weight crushing on my vision. The dead weight of what i should be doing bearing down on my brow. The world is collapsing around me and i feel like i'm doing little more than throwing branches on the flame.
I can't not consume so i try to consume ethically. Yet every time i take the trash out i wonder where all this plastic i've generated is going to end up. Honestly, i know where it's gonna end up but i like to convince myself it could be different. It's hitting the landfill. All of it. Eventually it will reach the sea, our rivers  or its muck will sink into the mud of our world and poison us so throughly that we may never get back up from it.
I can't get up and act. I don't know where to start. Or rather the starting implies the reality of this situation. and i'm not gonna lie, the enormity of the task really makes me want to believe this isn't happening.
But it is and we all know it.
I've had my parents imply i should be looking for a career. Of course i am, but god does it not feel like we've bigger fish to fry? The thought that i might begin to get into a career at this point, waste more of my time with a boss who's purpose is to explicitly make this problem worse, frightens me as much as it frightens me that good people would seriously suggest this.
No, what i realised long ago and have tried to believe in incredibly cunning ways is that our careers will not provide us security. our governments will not provide us security. Capitalism will not provide us security. Mother nature is coming to erase us, at this point, the only career worth having is revolutionairy.
But god. what an undertaking! we're all just single people mostly with no more power than your average joe. How are we going to take down the system, jesus what would we replace it with?
Because yeah, as we all know, its all well and good to talk shit about the system that is killing millions yearly, but what the fuck happens after the revolution?
Now i have some ideas. I have so many ideas. I keep writing and thinking and writing and thinking but i never have the courage to present them. In my head there is always more research that needs to be done. more expertise i'm yet to have.
So i stay silent (unless you meet me at a party, or a cafe, or a bus stop. In which case, i will talk). The never ending buzz of my duty to humanity to help where i feel i can. The never-ending buzz of how-it-could-be stinging at my heels. The never-ending paralysis of confusion.
But after seeing Jordan Peterson getting rekt by Slavoj Zizek in his "debate" i realised that most of the people trying to renegotiate the reality of this collapse are mostly just pulling shit out of their ass.
we've not been in this situation before. no one knows how to deal with it. so why are we listening to the boomer fucks who happily walked into this doom?
no no, fuck that. Stop listening to boomers. it's time for us, to take our stride. only we can solve this.
So look, i'm gonna write. I'm going to lay it all out there, because i cannot take this feeling of neutrality in the face of chaos.